I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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