i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
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