So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
