Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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