I looked at my own cervix.
he was CRYING into my vagina
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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