...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
