Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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