so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
