I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
