Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
