Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
