Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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