I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
