I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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