I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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