are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
