Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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