I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
