I just made out with a guy for $7.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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