I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we're making bets on your personal life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
