...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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