So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I AM VODKA MAN
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
