I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
