i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
