I just saw a hot homeless man
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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