I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
