You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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