wrigley field is MILF paradise
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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