Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
