I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
