I just saw a hot homeless man
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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