just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
