I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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