I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
