I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
