yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
