its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize