My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
should my penis look like a turkey
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
