Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
