I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
