Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
