i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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