I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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