I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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