yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
