thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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