The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
