I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
