Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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