she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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