U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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