I'm sorry my penis didn't work
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
