I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
