He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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