What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
