Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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