It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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