Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
