I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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