and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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