i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
