I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize