just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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