i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
