It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
