I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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