Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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