I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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