walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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