Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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