Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
