In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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