All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
