two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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