Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
