Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize