That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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