She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
