Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
