if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
