And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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