Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
